When and how to do it right
It might be a mistake to think that motivating your kids with money will give them a “shark mentality.”
Becoming truly successful requires more than just money.
Many parents—especially those in finance or business—try to motivate their kids with the same incentives that push them to go the extra mile at work.
Why would an adult stay late at the office? Why pursue a graduate degree? Why work weekends on a side hustle? Beyond passion, it’s often because there's an economic reward, which translates to more opportunities, well-being, or indulgences.
That’s valid and good. But is it appropriate to apply the same logic to children?
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The Dilemma Isn’t About Money
I prefer not to give a definitive “yes” or “no” on using money as an incentive for kids, instead think about when and how it might be appropriate.
The real focus of this dilemma should be on motivation, not money.
Motivation is what drives us; it’s the engine of our actions. We want our motivations to be powerful and long-lasting.
Just like in a car, the engine's performance plays a crucial role in determining how fast it can go.
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Motivation is the key
A strong motivation helps us overcome significant challenges that few can achieve or take decisive action without reducing our effort.
At the same time, we need a motivation that is enduring enough to keep us going until we see results. Otherwise, no matter how bold our decisions are, they won’t yield lasting outcomes.
The more brief, changing and temporary the motivation, the less enduring it is.
Conversely, the deeper and less material the motivation, the longer it takes to convince us to act, but it lasts much longer.
Money is a type of passing and shallow motivation.
There will come a point where more money won’t be enough to drive us to take action.
There’s a why…
When and how is it appropriate to use money as motivation for your children?
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It helps to consider their stage of maturity and development:
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In early childhood, elementary, and middle school
It's important to establish rules, boundaries, and habits that will help them develop socially and professionally in adulthood.
A child who gets everything they want will likely grow up to be an adult with weak willpower, struggling to tackle big challenges that lead to success.
This is a long-term stage, and I recommend using money only on rare occasions, more as a reward than as a condition. It's more appropriate for situations beyond their regular duties, like if they decide to start a small business.
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As they reach high school
It becomes necessary for them to experience the demands, responsibilities, and rewards of adult life, with the guidance of their parents—even if it’s just to say, “I told you so.”
Social motivations become more prominent in adolescence, and with them, economic implications.
As a parent, use this motivation to help them grow both professionally and financially! Support them with outings and challenge them to think about how they can earn more money by leveraging their talents.
Teach them to find their passion and to enjoy the fruits of their labor. The more they experiment, the sooner they’ll discover the career they connect with, enjoy, and excel in.
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By the time they reach college
It’s not just important but essential that they’ve developed the maturity to self-motivate, and that these motivations, beyond financial, are about their personal fulfillment, their ability to create, contribute, and solve problems.
When we experience the satisfaction of learning, overcoming professional challenges, and contributing at work or in society, the satisfaction is deep and lasting, and no one can take it away. Money becomes a byproduct.
This stage is a great opportunity to ensure their motivation is about enjoying what they’re capable of, their personal security, and not just their parents’ recognition.
Final Thoughts
Motivating your kids with money might be the easiest way to see immediate results, but I would conclude that it’s like a crash diet: it works instantly, but it throws things off balance (tantrums), disrupts their natural rhythm, and makes it harder to achieve the desired results through healthier means.
Lastly, motivating with money isn’t just about handing out cash; we also motivate through our words and by example.
What is your relationship with money? Do your children see a relationship that motivates them to have a positive connection with their career, money, and life?
Parenting isn’t easy, but you can make it fun and rewarding by growing together with your kids!
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